Peacekeeper (Montgomery Brothers Series ~ Book 2) Read online

  “They were in the city and they were worried about him. And I knew he’d be at the barn. That’s always been his go-to place.” I fiddled with the napkin in my lap. We sat at a round table in the back of the outdoor tented area. Chatter and laughter filled the air, and the smell of barbeque drifted around us.

  “And what happened when you got there?” Nat’s dark gaze danced with curiosity. She was probably the one person who knew the depths of my relationships with both Charlie and Harrison.

  “He was really drunk. I couldn’t get him up, so I just sat there with him to make sure he was okay.”

  “Did he talk to you? Tell you what he was upset about?”

  I nodded and bit down on my bottom lip. “He was upset about it being his dad’s birthday.”

  “And…”

  Damn, this girl knew me too well. There’d only been one secret in my life that I’d ever successfully kept from her.

  “He also told me that he missed me,” I paused to look around, my eyes landing on Charlie before returning to my best friend. “Actually, he said he missed me, and he loved me.”

  She gasped and slapped the table. “What the actual hell? And you waited this long to tell me?”

  “Um, kind of been busy spending the day with my actual fiancé.” I shook my head with disbelief. How was this my life?

  “I knew that Tahoe trip was bullshit. I mean, he went all the way there to grab a T-shirt from the drawer. It made no sense. Well, it sure as hell does now. He wanted to spend time with you, Laney.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re right.”

  “Listen, Laney, I’m going to say something to you, and you can take it or leave it. But as your best friend, it’s my duty to do so.” She clapped her hands together and intertwined her fingers. “I know how long it took you to get over Harrison, which is why I pushed so hard for you to get back out there and date when we moved here. I wanted you to be happy. But if Charlie doesn’t do that for you, you aren’t doing you or him a favor by dragging this out. He’s a great guy, but if he’s not the right guy, you need to say something. I’ve been listening to you these past few weeks since you’ve been home, and you’ve sounded really good. Full of life. And if that’s because of Harrison, then you need to do something about it.”

  I shook my head and dabbed at my eyes with my napkin. “How? How do I do that to him?”

  “I know it’s going to suck, trust me. I love Charlie. But I love you too, and I don’t want you to spend your life regretting a decision you made out of guilt. Life is short, Laney. You deserve to be happy. And Charlie deserves to marry someone who loves him as much as he loves them. And you and I both know that it’s not you.”

  This wasn’t our first conversation discussing this very issue. Long before Harrison Montgomery came back into the picture, Nat thought something was missing, and I couldn’t convince her differently. Because I knew it too.

  “He deserves better,” I whispered.

  She placed a hand on my shoulder. “You both deserve better.”

  “What’s going on over here?” Charlie asked, setting a glass of wine in front of me and squeezing my shoulder.

  “Oh, you know, just girl talk.” I forced a smile.

  “How is it possible that you two talk every day and still have this much to talk about?” Jared asked, sliding in the seat beside his girlfriend.

  “Laney was just asking me when our lazy butts were going to pick a wedding date,” Natalie said, with a huge grin spread across her face before throwing me a wink.

  “You’ve got to be exhausted from traveling and all the running around we did today. Are you ready to get out of here?” Charlie asked.

  “Yeah, sure.” I pushed to my feet and promised to call Nat tomorrow so we could hang out.

  The drive home was quiet, and my mind wandered to my conversation with my best friend. And then it wandered to Harrison.

  Always Harrison.

  He consumed my thoughts. He owned my heart. And I now understood that he was the reason I’d never been able to move on. Not really. I was one foot out the door with Charlie from the moment we met. I’d agreed to marry him out of guilt. But he deserved more. I was selling us both short, keeping up with this charade.

  We walked into my apartment. I’d asked him if we could sleep here tonight so I could organize a few things this weekend before going back to Napa. My stomach twisted with nerves. Guilt consumed me.

  Charlie wrapped his arms around me when we entered my bedroom. His lips lingered against my ear. “I missed you so much, Laney.”

  “I missed you too,” I whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened.

  He turned me around in his arms and kissed me. It wasn’t like the kiss that he’d greeted me with at the airport. Nor the one that he’d given me before we walked out the door to head to the party. This kiss was heated. Passionate. Needy.

  He dropped to sit on the bed, pulling me down on his lap. His fingers tangled in my hair, and he groaned against my mouth.

  My mind raced with thoughts of home.

  Home.

  The place I’d been running from for a long time.

  I’d missed it so much more than I realized.

  And I wasn’t eager to return to my life here in Chicago. Maybe it was because I’d found my home in the process. And I wanted to go back.

  Maybe it was Harrison. And what he’d said last night. He was drunk, but his words were raw. Honest. I’d known he still loved me before he’d said the words. I felt it. Deep in my soul.

  And I felt the same way about him.

  I loved him. I’d never stopped.

  But what did that mean?

  I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t know how to move forward because I was stuck. Living under a cloud of secrets and shame.

  But I knew one thing for certain: Charlie deserved better. I owed him the truth.

  I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed back to look at him, his heavy breaths the only audible sound. The truth lingered just above.

  “What is it? Are you okay?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not.”

  He took my hand in his and pressed my palm to his mouth.

  “Talk to me, Laney.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t know how to say it. How to rip his heart out. I didn’t want to hurt him. He’d been so good to me. But I wasn’t doing him any favors by lying.

  “Charlie,” I said, and the single word broke on a sob. “I’m so sorry.”

  His puzzled gaze searched mine. “Sorry about what?”

  I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, searching for strength from anywhere. I moved off his lap to sit beside him.

  “I gave my heart away a long time ago, Charlie. And I never got it back. Not really. And I think if you’re really honest with yourself, you’ll agree.” My voice trembled, and he let my hand fall to my lap.

  “Is this about Harrison? You still have feelings for him? Did something happen? Were you unfaithful?” He pushed to his feet, pacing in front of me.

  “No. I didn’t cheat on you. I wouldn’t do that. But that doesn’t mean everything is okay. I’m in love with someone else. I don’t want to be, I promise you, I don’t. I wish this wasn’t happening. You’ve been so good to me. You brought me back to life, Charlie. I love you, I really do. But not in the way that I should.” I covered my face and sobbed.

  “Jesus.” He bent down in front of me, pulling my hands away from my face so he could see me. “Maybe you’re just confused? Being home might have stirred up those feelings. Is this something we can fix?”

  Shit. Why did he have to be so nice? Why wasn’t he screaming at me? Angry with me.

  I pushed to my feet and he stood up with me. “I can’t change how I feel about someone else. I’ve just been running from it all these years.”


  “You’re in love with him?”

  “Yes. I never stopped loving him.” I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle the sobs escaping my throat.

  Raw and painful.

  “And are you in love with me?”

  I looked into his kind blue eyes. How do you hurt someone you care so much for? “Charlie.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “You’ve been so good to me. You mean so much to me. I love you. I do.”

  He moved closer, towering over me. His gaze locked with mine. “That’s not what I asked you, Laney. Are you in love with me?”

  I didn’t speak. I didn’t need to. He saw it there. Written all over my guilty face.

  “Wow. Okay. Well, I don’t think there’s much more to say. I don’t want you to marry me because I’m good to you. Or because you feel obligated.”

  “You deserve better,” I croaked.

  “You’re right, Laney. I do. And you’re not who I thought you were.”

  He turned and walked out the door. His words stung. Because he was right. I hadn’t been true to myself or to him. I dropped down on my bed and curled up in the fetal position. Exhaustion and stress set in and took me under.

  The room was dark. I’d fallen in and out of sleep, tears waking me several times. I moved to my feet and walked to the bathroom. Flipping on the light, I needed a minute for my vision to focus. I stood in front of the mirror and took in swollen eyes, with dark bags settled beneath. My lips were chapped. My hair was still curled from the party, and I pulled it back in a hair tie at the nape of my neck. I changed into a night shirt and washed my face, squeezing a blob of moisturizer into the palm of my hand and rubbing it over my face. A heavy weight sat on my chest. The look in Charlie’s eyes would forever haunt me. Two tears streamed down my cheeks, and I swiped them away.

  I moved back to the bedroom to check my phone for the time. It was two o’clock in the morning. There were three texts from Harrison, apologizing about last night. It felt like days had passed since I’d seen him. So much had happened over the past twelve hours. There were a half dozen texts from Nat asking me what happened, as Jared had spoken to Charlie.

  I sent Nat a quick response that I’d call her tomorrow. I didn’t respond to Harrison. It didn’t seem right. I didn’t know how to handle my feelings for him. I knew I couldn’t marry Charlie, but that didn’t mean I was going to run to Harrison with open arms. We were still finding our way with one another. I didn’t even live in Napa anymore. There was too much up in the air. I’d have to break the news to my parents that I wasn’t getting married. I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. I’d ended my engagement, I’d lost my job, my lease was up in a few weeks, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

  My head pounded as I made a cup of tea and sat in the dark crying as I looked down at my mug. My world was spiraling. And I didn’t know where I should land.

  The knock on the door startled me from sleep. I’d dozed off at some point a few hours ago on the couch. I pushed to my feet, looking like a lukewarm mess, I’m sure. Hot mess was too kind a description for my current physical state.

  I shuffled my feet toward the door and found Natalie on the other side.

  “Hey,” I said, and the tears started to fall again.

  She shut the door behind her and pulled me in for a hug. “It’s going to be okay, Laney.”

  She guided me to the couch, and I dropped down to face her. “I don’t think it will be, Nat. He hates me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you. But it sure looks like you’re beating yourself up pretty good all on your own. Listen, Charlie was at our apartment last night. He slept on the couch. He’s angry and hurt. But he also owns his part in this.”

  I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around, hugging them tight. My chin rested there. “His part?”

  “He talked a lot about when you first met. He said you were very open with him that you weren’t looking for anything serious and that he’d fallen hard and fast. Looking back, he feels like he pushed you at every turn.”

  “No. This is my fault. Not his,” I said.

  “Laney, he said he knew you didn’t want to marry him the day he proposed. You hesitated, and he saw the panic in your eyes, but he wanted it so bad that he let you agree to it. He thought he could love you enough for the both of you. I agree with him. Your heart was never in it. That’s the truth. You and I talked about it. You didn’t want to move in with him. You didn’t want to plan your own wedding. You’re a wedding planner, Laney,” she said, reaching over and rubbing my shoulder.

  “I thought maybe things would change. That I’d grow to love him the way I should over time. I wanted to. But being around Harrison showed me that I am capable of loving someone the right way. I was just trying to force it with Charlie.” My words broke on a sob.

  “You can’t marry someone because you think he’s a good guy. It’s not okay for either of you. Give him time to heal. He’s just hurt right now. He wishes you would have been honest with him sooner, but he said he’s glad you told him before you guys got married. The truth is, Laney, he isn’t shocked. None of us are, and that’s a red flag. You did the right thing.”

  I swiped at the tears running down my face. “I’m so sorry. I do love him, Nat. I don’t know how to fix this.”

  “Maybe you don’t need to. Not right now. I think you guys need to cut off contact for a while. And maybe someday, you’ll be able to be friends again. Who the hell knows? But Laney, you need to do some soul searching of your own. You need to figure out why you let things get this far. Why you would have married someone you weren’t in love with. I think Charlie played therapist for too long, and you both got comfortable with him being that person for you. You know, the one who kept telling you everything would be okay. You need to be that person for yourself. And then find your happiness. You’re one of the best people I know. You deserve to be happy.”

  “What do I do? Should I call him? Make sure he’s okay?”

  “He was still there this morning, and he knew I was coming here. He told me to tell you that he’d call you when he was ready. Give him time.”

  My chest was heavy. And tight. The lump in my throat so thick I stifled the sob as it escaped. “Okay,” I said, as the tears blurred my vision.

  “We’ll keep an eye on him. He’s going to be okay, and so are you.”

  I let her words sink in. I hoped she was right.

  I spent the rest of the day in bed, and Nat went and got us a tub of ice cream and hot Cheetos. It was our go-to food when either of us were upset about something. I barely moved for hours. I cried, and she listened. I was sad about Charlie. Disappointed in myself. And confused about my future. About where I belonged and what I should do. I realized Charlie was right. It was time to start figuring out what I wanted. Sort through my issues. My fears. My anger. And it wasn’t going to happen this weekend. It was a process.

  “You’re going to be okay, Laney. You took the first step. I think this was a long time coming.” Natalie handed me a tissue and I pushed to sit forward.

  “Yeah. How did I let it get this far?”

  “I think you’ve known for a long time. You were just stuck. Maybe going home was exactly what you needed.”

  “Being around Harrison makes me feel things I thought I’d never feel again. It doesn’t mean I should be with him, but it made me realize that something was missing with Charlie and me. Something big.”

  She wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Laney. I know you tried, there’s no doubt about it,” she said, her eyes wet with emotion.

  “Thanks for being here,” I sobbed. Everything was changing so quickly and the loss of control over my own life terrified me.

  Nat and I talked and cried for hours. And then we cried some more. She and Jared had dinner plans with his parents, and I urged her to go. Alone time would allow me to clear my head.


  I’d FaceTimed my parents and filled them in on what happened with Charlie. They didn’t appear as surprised as I’d expected. I cried, and they listened. They were supportive as always. They begged me to get on the plane and come home so I wouldn’t be alone. I agreed to return home the following day.

  Harrison’s birthday.

  I owed him a text back, but I hadn’t found the words yet. I didn’t know what to say or how much to tell him. I knew I couldn’t call him—he’d always been able to read me, and he’d know something was wrong. I asked my parents to keep what happened with Charlie to themselves. I didn’t know if I wanted to tell Harrison yet. I feared he’d want to dive back in, and I needed to figure myself out first. I knew I loved him, and that was the reason I’d ended things with Charlie.

  The next call I made was to Jenny Lane, a family therapist in Napa. I’d found her online and made an appointment for next week. It was time to reclaim my life, and this was a step in the right direction.

  I’d been back in Napa for a few hours, and I finally sat down to text Harrison back. I was in a better place now. He’d never know I’d spent the last forty-eight hours crying in the fetal position. And that’s the way I wanted to keep it.

  Me ~ Happy Birthday! What are you up to today?

  I chewed on my fingernail as I waited for him to reply.

  Harrison ~ Took you long enough to respond.

  I laughed.

  Me ~ Sorry. It was a busy couple of days.

  Harrison ~ Are you mad at me about my drunken crazy antics? I’m really sorry about that.

  Me ~ Not at all. I promise. How’s your birthday?

  Harrison ~ Just another day, Laney. I told you I don’t celebrate. Well, my pain in the ass brothers came by this morning, and I had lunch with Mom. But I’m just ready for the day to pass. I think I might still be hungover from the other day.

  I hated the idea of him being alone on his birthday. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I contemplated what to do.